The exam I deferred in karate is about to be rescheduled. This is great, because instead of being wracked with nerves about the exam, I actually feel like if I just get my cardio up, everything should go moderately well. I’ve been practicing my kata a lot, even trying to keep my weapons work up, despite having dropped out of kobudo. I think my mind is in the right spot too; sometime last month I realized it was OK if I was someone other people looked at when they were practicing. It sounds cheesy, but I did, in fact, give myself permission to go for the rank.
My reasons for avoiding the test were legion, but I think the cornerstone of all of them was that I think sempai is the first part of the big transition to sensei, and I can’t commit to karate the way my betters can. I can’t always turn up, I can’t be relied upon to teach in a pinch. I take a lot of time off, I slack and I only train when I want to. I felt like going for the rank meant no longer training the way I train. I’m told this is not the case.
That’s likely happening in August. So too, are the regionals, which include a tasting competition, for which I am all ready training. I decided to so the competition because I thought it would be a laugh, and the minute I made my mind up, I suddenly became very serious about winning. I’ve never been competitive before (I don’t think), but all of a sudden I’ve come over quite intense. I want to win.
So August is shaping up to be quite a… quite a… well, a busy month. I certainly hope my other work, the whole writing gig, won’t ask too much of me, or I might need to spend all of September lying in a dark room with a flannel over my eyes.
